It’s Valentine’s Day, what are you going to do for romance?  How about a nice

Asparagus and Avocado Salad

Now, maybe you think I’ve lost my mind here and you probably wouldn’t be too far off.  But see, I know my other #letslunch compatriots are going to do romantic meals with chocolate and probably strawberries and all that fancy schmancy romantic stuff.  But I’ve found that romance is really something you have to tackle on a case-by-case basis.

For instance, if you want to romance me with food, show up with sushi.  Or crab legs.  Preferrably both.  And a nice sweet champagne.

If you tried that on my wife, well a) you’d have me to deal with but b) she hates seafood and doesn’t much like champagne.  She’s more of a chocolate only kind of gal.

So I’ve decided to do what I do best and turn this romantic Valentine’s Day into nice cheap potty humor.  How you might ask?  With a little help from the Romans.

Romantc Asparagus and Avocado Salad Recipe

See, I once did some research on aphrodisiacs (which naturally included how you spell the stinking word) and found that most of the things we consider aphrodisiacs have absolutely no power to induce libido.  I expected to find things like garlic, cayenne, and ginger which affect blood flow to certain *ahem* places, raise body temperature, and cause the release of endorphins.

But oh no, aphrodisiacs really got their start from the Romans because they look like human naughty bits.  Seriously.  So, I’ve decided to create a salad from the two most phallic veggies I can think of: the asparagus and the avocado.  Then just to really be juvenile, I figured we’d need some carrots for a little take this party into places it shouldn’t go on a food blog other than sexonaplate.com.  Oh, and just to keep things nice and even, let’s add a chicken breast.  Then again, if that’s not your thing, perhaps a leg or some nice pork butt.

What?

You will need:

• 4 eggs
• 1  bunch asparagus
• 2 breasts of chicken
• 2 romaine hearts <– Get it???
• 1 carrot, peeled and grated
• 1 bottle Caesar dressing <– Good for making you need a new heart
• 2 avacados
• Shredded parmesan cheese

Okay, you’re going to have to work for this salad, but you know, maybe it will help … things.

Fill a sauce pan with 2 cups of water, bring to a boil.  Put the eggs in the water, kill the heat, cover with a lid and let them sit.  14 minutes later, peel and halve the eggs.  Set a timer for the 14 minutes, though.  You should be thinking about other stuff.

Cut the bottom two inches off the asapragus.  In a skillet with high sides, bring well-salted water to a boil and toss the asparagus in.  Cook for 3 minutes then immediately put into ice cold water to stop the cooking process.

Coat the chicken with salt and pepper, then grill the chicken or bake in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes or until cooked all the way through.

Wash the romaine hearts and halve.  Construct the salad with all the rest of the ingredients.

Serve and watch your significant other wonder why you served them a phallic salad.  Enjoy!

Thanks for the pictures and all apologies to itsjustanalias and Darwin Bell.